Lauren’s Cycling Dream Team, aka Team Chocolate-Covered Pretzel

In an earlier post I wrote that Team Chocolate-Covered Pretzel was the best team sponsorship I could imagine. Since then I’ve been thinking about who would be on my dream team. Think of it as my version of fantasy cycling, where team members can be from any time period.

Below are the key members of my team and why I chose them. After you salivate over my awe-inspiring team, let me know who you would add or subtract, and why.

This is not a game.

Is that Gabe Lloyd?

Jan Ullrich. One of the most proven all-arounders, Jan’s performance in the 2001 TdF is what got me following professional cycling. Plus, known to get fat during the off season, I bet he could single handedly keep the chocolate covered pretzel business afloat, which this team would need for solid and continued sponsorship.

Mark Cavendish. Every team needs a sprinter and I want one who is sensitive enough to apologize to the five or six Italian children who were upset by his Italian-style “f-you” finish line salute at Tour de Romandie last week.

Fans of the King bros.

The King brothers, Robbie and Teddy. While Robbie is one of my best friends, and Teddy– about to race the Giro for the second time– has a great blog and some nifty t-shirts, I really want these guys for their fan base. Ever been to a New England race with them? It was hard to hear the announcer at the 2008 Portsmouth Criterium over the din of “Rob-bie! Rob-bie!” Their parents alone, armed with snacks and fancy signs, make spectating that much more exciting.

Kanye West. Though not a cyclist, Kanye is one of the people with whom I’d choose to be stranded on a desert island. Creative, volatile, and a little insane, no team would be complete without him.

At the Vermont 50, 2008.

Big Al (team captain). The man behind is a legend, and a serious ambassador to the sport. When I met him in 2003 he was dressed completely in pink spandex, arm and leg warmers included. I told him pink was my favorite color and he said, “Pink isn’t a color. It’s a vibration.” <swoon>

Jonathan “Rudy” Awerbuch. In addition to being adorable, charming and alarmingly intelligent, I need to keep him on the team so I can keep writing for his blog.

All of my Norwich cycling buddies: Leah, Becky, Amy, Susan, Sheila, Viv and Sara. They’re smart, scrappy, and really fit– and could give a hoot about bike racing. Plus, Susan is one of the organizers of the Prouty, a cycling fundraiser that raises money for cancer research. (She asked for the plug. This year’s ride is July 10, folks!)

TEAM CAMP: Last Sunday. Becky, Amy, Susan and me.

People explicitly not on the team:

Adam Gifford, my brother. Even though he wrote a professional letter of inquiry in the comments section of an earlier post, I just don’t think he has what we’re looking for right now. I’m sorry.


~ by laurengiff on May 2, 2010.

6 Responses to “Lauren’s Cycling Dream Team, aka Team Chocolate-Covered Pretzel”

  1. Yes, I approve of this time. I’ll rack my brain for some more worthy candidates, but in the meantime, I’m happy to be on board. I’m especially pleased with our title sponsor. Can we be a team “presented by Peanut Butter Filled Pretzel Bites”…? Because those are pretty delicious as well.

    Over and out.

    • I didn’t mean to write “time” in that first sentence. I think I was looking for the word team.

  2. Lauren,

    Please contact me at your earliest convienence regarding full title sponsorship of your team.

    Richard Burke, Chairman
    Trek Bicycle

  3. Team Chocolate Covered Pretzel p/b Peanut Butter Filled Pretzel Bites may be the most powerful cycling team the world has ever seen. I’ll call Trader Joe’s right away to confirm additional sponsorship.

    Also, “Richard Burke,” mom is really mad at you for messing up the blog.

    • No joke Lauren, do it. My salary is simple: pay me my weight in product monthly.

  4. p/b The Bike Hub Norwich vs. Team Chocolate Covered Pretzel p/b Peanut Butter Filled Pretzel Bites…

    This valley isn’t big enough for the both of us (and our excessively long team names).

    p.s. I still want to see you have a real internet fight with Cosmo.

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